i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
