Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
Randomize
