Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
