Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
Less talking, more tequila
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
