Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
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