At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
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