i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
I deserve to be covered in dicks
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Randomize
