i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
