saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
being pregnant is like rehab
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
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