I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
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