It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Randomize
