apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
Randomize
