Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
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