I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
