I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Randomize
