I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
Randomize
