please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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