All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
Randomize
