You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
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