U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
we're so committed to being not committed
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Randomize
