Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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