I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
