I can text with my tongue
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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