It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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