Three words: puerto rican gang bang
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
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