If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
I wish there were birth control emojis
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Randomize
