she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
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