Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
I need to stop coming to work sober
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
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