Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
