:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
Randomize
