i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
Randomize
