Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
He? As in you personified your dick?
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Randomize
