Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
