JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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