I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
My ATM looks so different sober.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
