Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
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