No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Randomize
