Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Randomize
