and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Randomize
