Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
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