I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
Randomize
