never play flip cup with pint glasses
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
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