Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
