So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
