I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
I am mentally ready for anal.
Randomize
