It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
