is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Randomize
