if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
