you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
Naked. naked and bneed help.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
