We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
