Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
Randomize
